We’ve all been there: we are in an interview and it feels like it is going great. Then you get asked the stupidest, out-of-left-field question that has nothing to do with what you’re interviewing for and it sends you into a stuttering, open-mouthed spiral.
Surreptitiously, the HR goon is trying to “get a sense for how you think”, or they want to suss out “who you really are”. But, the sad truth is that they are just filling time in the interview process because they lack the basic competence to stay on target. The end-effect is that you blow the interview and they ghost you.
Over the years, we’ve heard some real doozies, and we thought that it would be fun to lay them out and share some of our best responses. If you ever end up encountering them in the wild, maybe it will help you navigate the interview successfully.
“What’s your biggest weakness?”
Funny Answer: “My biggest weakness is answering this question without screaming so loud that I break my microphone.”
Honest Answer: “I struggle with prioritizing tasks when everything is on fire, which is often the case in dysfunctional orgs. I’ve learned to ask more questions upfront, but in fast-paced environments, chaos is still chaos. We are all just trying to survive one more meeting.”
This works because you’re showing self-awareness and a willingness to improve — but you’re also throwing shade at broken systems, which might earn you points with realists.
“Why do you want to work here?”
Funny Answer: “I saw your careers page and thought, wow, I’d love to be overworked in this specific building because it is close to that place that sells amazing donuts.”
Honest Answer: “Because your job pays more than the one I have, and I’m hoping this one will help further my career.”
If said tactfully, it shows transparency and real-world motivation, money and career progress. Most people can relate.
“Where do you see yourself in five years?”
Funny Answer: “Retired. But realistically? Staring at a Jira board, wondering how the hell we are supposed to do six months of work in two.”
Honest Answer: “Hopefully working on something meaningful, with people who don’t weaponize Slack threads to win arguments.”
It shows ambition, emotional intelligence, and low tolerance for corporate nonsense.
“What motivates you?”
Funny Answer: “A paycheck and the mild hope that one day I won’t have to answer this question ever again.”
Honest Answer: “Solving real problems for real people. Not just shipping features to check boxes.”
You’re positioning yourself as user-focused instead of management-pleasing.
“Describe yourself in three words.”
Funny Answer: “Burnt out husk”.
Honest Answer: “Reliable, curious, and tired.”
This shows dependability, a desire to learn, and some humanity. Everyone’s tired.
“How do you handle conflict?”
Funny Answer: “I let it stew quietly for six months, then vent it out in the form of a sarcastic graphic tee.”
Honest Answer: “I try to address it quickly and directly, before it festers into a passive-aggression spiral.”
This is practical and shows maturity. No one wants another cold war over a Figma or Google Docs comment.
“What would your previous coworkers say about you?”
Funny Answer: “They’d say I was the one who actually read the documentation. A rare unicorn that is possibly extinct in your organization. You should definitely hire me.”
Honest Answer: “They’d say I’m calm under pressure, always willing to help, and quietly dying inside.”
It’s mostly complimentary, and that last bit adds a relatable edge.
“What’s your dream job?”
Funny Answer: “Getting paid to wear funny graphic tees and scream into the internet about workplace trauma.”
(Author's note: So… this.. this is my dream.)
Honest Answer: “One where the deadlines make sense, the product solves a real problem, and meetings are actually useful.”
It's a realistic dream that critiques corporate dysfunction while sounding hopeful. Everybody needs a little hope.
Final thought
We’ve all been told to “just be yourself” in interviews, but the second you do, you watch the light leave the recruiter’s eyes.
At the end of the day, none of these questions actually predict job performance. They exist because nobody has come up with anything better. All you can do is play along, keep your answers mildly unhinged but professional-sounding, and hope your interviewer isn’t the kind of person who says “we’re like a family” unironically.
Good luck. You’re going to need it.
How Software Development Really Works
HR is not your friend
7 Signs Your Agile Process Sucks
It’s So Much Fun Burning Out!
