Survival is my weekly sprint goal, an agile methodology t-shirt

Agile Methodology is so 2020

User stories: incomplete. Sanity: even worse.

This isn’t agile. This is survival.

Every Monday you start with hope. By Wednesday you’re buried in bugs that someone else introduced three years ago. By Friday? You’re googling “how to fake your own Jira ticket velocity.” Your agile project management priorities are basically zero.

"Survival: My Weekly Sprint Goal" is for every dev who’s been told to “just estimate better” while management adds more tickets and removes more context. It’s not about delivering value anymore — it’s about surviving until demo day. You just need to survive one more sprint. That’s what a real agile methodology is. It’s a jungle out there.

Cynical. Scrum-certified. Still employed (somehow).

About this Agile Methodology t-shirt

Printed on soft, durable cotton. Sprint burnout not included — you bring your own. There’s no such thing as a safe agile framework. Dress for success.

• This agile t-shirt comes in the colors vintage black, brown, and dark grey
• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)
• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz./yd.² (142 g/m²)
• Pre-shrunk fabric
• Side-seamed construction
• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping